Author Topic: Sherman defends 49ers contract: I'm great with it  (Read 195 times)

Offline linlybest

Sherman defends 49ers contract: I'm great with it
« on: March 23, 2018, 05:10:20 pm »
Since its debut in 1997, the Harry Potter franchise has gone from some silly wizard books your little sister made fun of you for reading to dallas cowboys authentic jersey an epic saga for the ages. That's partly thanks to the fact that, in the movies, the magical battles between good and evil look like thrilling, tense affairs where something cool or horrible could happen at any moment.

That said, if you ever feel like taking a trip back to the time when Harry Potter was the dorkiest thing ever, simply look at the DVD extras. The making of a battle scene in these movies is indistinguishable from a bunch of kids running around a playground pointing their fingers and yelling, "Bang, I shot you!" and, "Nuh uh, you missed!"

The eight movies collectively cost over a billion dollars to make, but if you went behind the scenes it looked like your local community theater choreographing an interpretative dance about eating an avocado covered in hot sauce for dinner (because magic doesn't exist and everything alive is slowly putrefying).

Except the confused guy in the sweater, who thinks this is the worst orgy he's been to.

Probably the most intense movie scene of the past year was in The Revenant, when Golden Globe winner Leonardo DiCaprio is brutally ravaged by a mama bear. However, the filmmakers couldn't sic a real bear on DiCaprio, since his contract has a strict "no make out scenes with women over 25 and no being mauled by savage animals" clause. As a result, the bear is CG, but they still needed something for Leo to initially interact with   so they hired someone who looks like he plays in the National Furry Football League.

20th Century Fox

"Brian Grrrlacher, linebacker, Chicago Humans."

Please imagine DiCaprio trying to look all intense while rolling around with that guy in the forest (the production has wisely not allowed any photos of that moment to be released). He deserved that Golden Globe just for not cracking up on camera.

Speaking of CG animals, the ones on the new Jungle Book movie have been widely praised for being incredibly convincing and expressive. The behind the scenes footage, however, makes it look like the Cookie Monster's sex offender cousin was trying to sneak up on Mowgli.

Walt Disney

"Hey, bears aren't the jerseys from china only ones with necessities."

And here's Mowgli being threatened by one of nature's fiercest animals: the majestic, elusive Jon Favreau.

Walt Disney

If you see a cast member from Swingers in the wild, stand still and do not make eye contact.

One of the most baffling things about John Carter is that they had Willem Dafoe, someone who already looks like a sci fi villain, play an adorable four armed good guy through motion capture, which involved  AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sorry, that was more Dafoe than we were prepared for. In addition to getting blackheads all over his face and yelling at the camera, Dafoe and other actors playing Martians had to walk around the cheap nfl jerseys set on stilts. If nothing else, it's really inspiring to see an actor go the extra mile for a movie that absolutely no one gives a **** about.

Walt Disney

He stands tall and confident, then stumbles badly. Symbolism!

On the other hand, we have Twilight, which people give countless shits about but for all the wrong reasons. Say what you will about Kristen Stewart's performance, but you try to emote convincingly when the target of your affections is one of the henchmen from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

Now pet the Putty. Yes, Kristen.

And now, let's watch the award winning Benedict Cumberbatch be Smaug, the ancient, cruel, and devious dragon of our collective childhood lore, and realize that we'll never be able to take the actor or the character seriously again.